Tag Archives: how to free up emotional energy

Getting Clear on Your Money Issues

Just like there’s no corner of life that isn’t affected by oxygen, it may well be that no aspect of life is unaffected by money. True: in deep meditation, we don’t think about money, we don’t spend it, and we don’t want it. But lately, I’ve been realizing that my own spiritual bent has made me blind to a truth I’ve perhaps wanted to deny: this world really does operate on the basis of exchange, and the instrument of exchange most frequently used is money. If you want help getting over anxiety about money, first you need to understand your relationship to it.
Money is always there in our lives, in the background, like the bass line in a rock song.  There’s always someone trying to sell us something, or we need something that requires money to obtain. We need money for food, for shelter, for comfort. We need more money to protect our health, to educate ourselves, to care for others. There’s our personal history with money that we carry everywhere we go, the financial legacy that our ancestors passed down to us, the attitudes our parents implanted in us, the spiritual ideas about money that we adopted. These attitudes are always with us, as is the background tape telling us to be sure we’ll have enough for the next thing.
The desire for money is primal, just as is the desire chipmunks have for hording acorns. This is why so many loving siblings end up enemies when an inheritance is at stake. This is why so many otherwise compatible spouses end up hating each other. They don’t understand that the urge to have money and to horde is instinctual both in themselves and in their loved ones, akin to a survival need, and any loss of control of money feels like being deprived of food.  
Many of us deny that money matters as much as it does. Either that, or we resort to magical thinking about money—“if I have the right attitude, the money will come.” Goodness knows, there are enough books and movies out there reinforcing this belief.  Because we don’t know how to think about money, because it’s uncomfortable, we throw our hands up in the air and say, “the universe will provide.” It’s the same attitude we bring to the subject of death, leaving the timing and method of our death in the hands of the universe but hoping there’s some magic involved in beating the odds, if only we stay positive. Money feels mysterious to us, like death, shadowy and transient, something we don’t talk about. (I do believe there’s truth to the idea that attitude affects both prosperity and lifespan, but creating wealth is about more than thinking positive.)
I’ve been taking a Tapas Acupressure course on healing in relation to money and I’ve been amazed personally at how much there is to heal. I believe that most of us have issues to clear around money—whether those issues involve debt or earnings, having too little or too much, having shame around past mistakes, anger at having been ripped off, guilt at having exploited others, or fear about what may come.  And I think the first step in healing these issues is to bring them out of the basement of your consciousness and into the light. Once you know what you’re dealing with, you can clear it using TAT or another similar practice.
To begin to get clear on your own money issues, ask yourself these three questions and write your answers down:
  1. What about money am I not dealing with in my life?
  2. What is unfinished in my relationship with money or earning it?
  3. Where am I angry or ashamed or afraid in relation to money or earning it?

Let me know if I can help!

Dr. Hiyaguha Cohen is a certified Tapas Acupressure practitioner and life coach. She offers coaching by Skype and telephone worldwide, as well as in-person Hawaii counseling. Contact her at Hiyaguha@thelifechangecoach.com.


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Introverts are Biologically Different

John Paul Sartre once said, “Hell is other people at breakfast.” Thank goodness I’ve never felt anything that misanthropic, but I will admit that sometimes when I’m at a party, after an hour of enjoyment, I find myself thinking that I’ve had enough, and that I want to just go read or watch a video. This becomes particularly problematic when the event is at my own house and I’m ready for everybody to go home. I’ve scolded myself internally about these inhospitable thoughts, but the other day I came across some research that changed my perspective.

I’m an introvert, according to the Myers Briggs Type Indicator. This doesn’t mean that I always want to be alone, but rather, that I need periods of solitude in order to recharge my batteries. Extroverts, in contrast, recharge by being with others.(If you don’t know if you’re an introvert or an extrovert, try taking this assessment (the results should be similar to the Myers Briggs).

Most people (70 percent of the population) are extroverts. We live in a society that values and rewards extroversion. Extroverts tend to have better health, more friends, they sleep better and have higher self-esteem than introverts. Because of these things, we commonly assume that introverts are less psychologically healthy and that they “got that way” because of some flaw in their upbringing.

But studies show that introverts, in fact, have very different brain chemistry than extroverts. First, introverts have far more electrical activity in the brain than do extroverts, even when resting. Scientists think that extroverts might seek out the company of others just to get their “brain juices” flowing, while introverts need to limit input to avoid getting overwhelmed. “The levels of stimulation extroverts find rewarding can be overwhelming or annoying for introverts,” according to psychologist Colin DeYoung, of the University of Minnesota.

Extroverts have larger brain structures in the area responsible for releasing dopamine, which is the “feel-good” hormone. Experts think that extroverts may try to draw attention to themselves because they want the dopamine reward that comes when they receive praise and contact. For introverts, the reward isn’t quite as dramatic or compelling, and so they make different choices. The brain activity in introverts actually is centered in a different part of the brain—the frontal lobes and front thalamus—than brain activity in extroverts, which tends to center around the temporal lobes and rear thalamus.

Introverts do have some advantages. First, they tend to do better in school. They have fewer divorces and fewer job changes. In fact, as intelligence goes up across the population, so does the percentage of introverts. More than 75 percent of those with IQs above 160 are introverted.

The bottom line is that given the differences in brain structure and orientation, introverts and extroverts have different needs. Because our culture is so favorable to extroverts, introverts need to take their own need for quiet time and solitude seriously and buck the pressure to always be “on” and “available.” If you’re an introvert, you really do need that alone time, you really do need to cut yourself off from stimulation periodically, you do need time to think. This applies not only at home, but at work as well, during your work day You aren’t wired the same way that all your extrovert friends and colleagues are. Also, if you’re an extrovert reading this, you need to understand that your introverted loved ones aren’t shunning you when they shut down—they’re simply refueling.

Dr. Hiyaguha Cohen offers life-coaching by Skype, phone, and in person in Hawaii. Contact her at Hiyaguha@thelifechangecoach.com.


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Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Introverts are Biologically Different

John Paul Sartre once said, “Hell is other people at breakfast.” Thank goodness I’ve never felt anything that misanthropic, but I will admit that sometimes when I’m at a party, after an hour of enjoyment, I find myself thinking that I’ve had enough, and that I want to just go read or watch a video. This becomes particularly problematic when the event is at my own house and I’m ready for everybody to go home. I’ve scolded myself internally about these inhospitable thoughts, but the other day I came across some research that changed my perspective.

I’m an introvert, according to the Myers Briggs Type Indicator. This doesn’t mean that I always want to be alone, but rather, that I need periods of solitude in order to recharge my batteries. Extroverts, in contrast, recharge by being with others.(If you don’t know if you’re an introvert or an extrovert, try taking this assessment (the results should be similar to the Myers Briggs).

Most people (70 percent of the population) are extroverts. We live in a society that values and rewards extroversion. Extroverts tend to have better health, more friends, they sleep better and have higher self-esteem than introverts. Because of these things, we commonly assume that introverts are less psychologically healthy and that they “got that way” because of some flaw in their upbringing.

But studies show that introverts, in fact, have very different brain chemistry than extroverts. First, introverts have far more electrical activity in the brain than do extroverts, even when resting. Scientists think that extroverts might seek out the company of others just to get their “brain juices” flowing, while introverts need to limit input to avoid getting overwhelmed. “The levels of stimulation extroverts find rewarding can be overwhelming or annoying for introverts,” according to psychologist Colin DeYoung, of the University of Minnesota.

Extroverts have larger brain structures in the area responsible for releasing dopamine, which is the “feel-good” hormone. Experts think that extroverts may try to draw attention to themselves because they want the dopamine reward that comes when they receive praise and contact. For introverts, the reward isn’t quite as dramatic or compelling, and so they make different choices. The brain activity in introverts actually is centered in a different part of the brain—the frontal lobes and front thalamus—than brain activity in extroverts, which tends to center around the temporal lobes and rear thalamus.

Introverts do have some advantages. First, they tend to do better in school. They have fewer divorces and fewer job changes. In fact, as intelligence goes up across the population, so does the percentage of introverts. More than 75 percent of those with IQs above 160 are introverted.

The bottom line is that given the differences in brain structure and orientation, introverts and extroverts have different needs. Because our culture is so favorable to extroverts, introverts need to take their own need for quiet time and solitude seriously and buck the pressure to always be “on” and “available.” If you’re an introvert, you really do need that alone time, you really do need to cut yourself off from stimulation periodically, you do need time to think. This applies not only at home, but at work as well, during your work day You aren’t wired the same way that all your extrovert friends and colleagues are. Also, if you’re an extrovert reading this, you need to understand that your introverted loved ones aren’t shunning you when they shut down—they’re simply refueling.

Dr. Hiyaguha Cohen offers life-coaching by Skype, phone, and in person in Hawaii. Contact her at Hiyaguha@thelifechangecoach.com.


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